pigeon hole this

The pigeon hole. The stereotype. Oh, the unspoken expectations.

They're all around us, all the time. And we can't avoid them, despite our best efforts. We try. We've hung our degree in conspicuous places; we talk about our weekend adventures and travels to far-off places. You don't listen. Or if you do, you don't care.

Whatever the reason, we're stuck in a slot somewhere between receptionist, fire fighter, strategist and gopher. Have you ever stopped to think about the knowledge we bring with us? The skills and critical thinking abilities that allow us to circumnavigate the mine field that awaits us each day? Likely not.

There's a good chance you wouldn't listen to us if we told you, so we're not going to. But if you're going to pigeon hole us, at least let us pick the hole.

Here's a list to help you understand just how deep - and dark - those pigeon holes can be.


The Cutie
Bright, bubbly and outgoing, the Cutie disarms those who approach and makes everyone feel welcome. What you don't realize is that there's a flesh-eating dragon buried beneath those dimples. You're being plotted against from the moment you lower your defenses. The Cutie is one of our deadliest assets. We'll get you while you sleep.

The Wiz
Need something fixed? Call on the Wiz. Got a noodle-scratcher and can't find your way out of that paper bag? The Wiz is there, ready and willing to lend a helping hand. You draw us close, leaning on us more heavily as each day passes. Eventually you don't even try to hide how much you rely on us. You start bragging to your colleagues. That's when we shop ourselves around for a better offer; that's when we can bring you to your knees. By then, it's too late. Ante up.

The Caregiver
Caterer bailed at the last minute? The Caregiver shows up with dozens of baked goods, saving your designer-covered ass. Maybe you had a rough day and need to debrief; we'll let you cry - or vent - on our shoulder. We're the best friend that you've taken advantage of for years, the person you cheated off during ninth-grade finals. The Caregiver provides you with whatever sustenance you need. We can also take it away at a very opportune moment - for us, that is. Remember who packs your parachute.

The Bulldozer
You've been screening your calls, when suddenly the Bulldozer appears. We dismiss the pest with one skilled flick of our sharp tongue. Maybe we delivered the bad news you've been avoiding, and now you're unbelievably grateful. Whatever the problem, we've ploughed your safe passage time and again. So often, in fact, that you've ceased looking into the surrounding jungle for danger. That's when we pounce - or threaten to let nature take its course. Better keep us around, just in case.

The Dodger
Always artful, the Dodger has an uncanny ability to tuck you away from danger at the last moment - appearing to save the day, but really just skirting the issue. In fact, we're so effective that we deflect the would-be assault and redirect it to your competitors...internal or external. Doesn't matter. What matters is that the Dodger has become your shifty defense, and you don't know how to protect yourself without us. That's fine. Just know that whatever we deflect might one day boomerang right back at you. Unless, of course, we're compenstated appropriately.


We're none of these, yet we've been slotted as each at one time or another. When we're firm, we're a Bulldozer. One the days we're happy, we're the Cutie. Perhaps you caught us side-stepping an ugly inter-office political shit storm, and you called us a Dodger. It's not important.

Ask yourself one question: could you, in all truth, do any of these things - and all of these things - every day? At any time? We can. Now give us a raise or we'll leave your pigeon hole empty. You'll be amazed at what nasty little creatures gravitate to those deep, dark holes once they're vacated.

Maybe it's better to keep us here.

Yes, that's right. Pick up the phone and call Personnel. Show us the money, honey.


~ Paige

office language: an interpretive guide

Language can be a slippery eel: hard to catch, and sometimes shocking when you do grab hold of it.

Most of us know a few basic phrases in another tongue, such as “where’s the restroom”, “may I have the bill” or “two beers, please”. We won’t translate those here for you – if you don’t know them by now that means you’ve done your business on the side of the road, skipped out on a meal and don’t drink beer. We’re not writing this for you. Well, maybe we are. We understand extenuating circumstances.

Every office has a unique language. Some standard office-isms apply fairly universally to all office cultures. But there are subtle nuances that make each office unique. We can often discern what type of office you’ve worked in based on the lingo you’re using.

It takes months, sometimes years to assimilate into a new office environment. Temporary staff has a tough time, and it’s for the temps of the world that we share this knowledge. You are our unsung heroes. We take you for granted and give you the crap jobs. We know it.

But we do it anyway. We can’t help it. And it's usually because you don’t know how to speak within our discourse community. It’s our distinctive neighbourhood slang, not yours. Somehow, though, the expectation is that you are the one who can and will fit in seamlessly. It’s a pretty high bar that’s set, considering we expect most of our executive team to regularly have absolutely no clue what we're talking about.

To dispel some of the mystery around a few of the more common office sub-culture lingo, we’ve compiled a list of translations from our own days of bobbing around in the auxiliary pool.

Flex day
The day taken in lieu when staff work extra hours, usually within a two-week pay period. However, these extra hours are often not worked, hence the loose translation of “I screwed the employer day”.

Increase brand recognition
Refers to the gain in popularity and/or acknowledgement of one’s 'brand' or marketable item(s). Easily confused with “Spend more time on Twitter”.

Community development
Time and effort spent working with partners or like organizations within one’s geographical or virtual community. Can also be “Go to the pub and buy local beer/wine”.

Integrated case practice
The working together of all parties or individuals affected or having impact on the success or outcome of one person/event. Has also been known as “Getting together for a big piss-up”.

Fair market evaluation
Assessment of an asset in the current economic climate, usually in competition with like assets. Could be mistaken as “Checking out guys/gals at the hotel lounge after work”.

Social media consultant/consulting
The hiring of an individual or firm to assist with better market penetration through the use of new media tools. Often misinterpreted as “Drinking in public with a recording device”.


This list is by all means not exhaustive - it only touches the tip of the proverbial iceberg. There are, however, many times that the executive (or other big cheese you are providing temporary support for) will use one or more of the office-isms above and expect you to know the real meaning behind them.

Consider yourself not only warned, but now armed.


~ Paige