gone, but not forgotten. damn.

It happened yesterday. We've been waiting for it to happen since early last week; we're pretty surprised that it took six days, actually. And since yesterday it's happened four times. Four. Shit.

It's the 'employee-didn't-leave-the-company-just-moved-to-another-job-so-we-can-still-ask-them-questions-about-their-old-job' bullshit.

Considering we work for The Man, we shouldn't be surprised that this crap is going on. If we'd left the organization to start a cult in Poland, this wouldn't happen. Does anyone start cults in Poland? Likely not. It gets pretty damn cold there.

Since it's beyond the faking-our-own-death stage, we thought it might be helpful to share with others our unique insight and perspective on this matter. (Okay, fine - this is just a forum for us to vent and rant and we don't give a shit what you think. It makes us feel better to share, so we're going to.)


(email sample #1)
Hi Paige. Just doing a coding block to get this invoice paid and I don't know where you kept the old ones. When you get a minute, could you let me know? Super thanks!
Reply: Have you looked in the filing cabinet or in the electronic filing? Gotta run - we're in training here. Good luck.

(email sample #2)
Hi Paige. About that coding block, thanks! I didn't even think to look in the cabinet. D'uh! Anyways, where do you keep your accounting binder? You know, the one with all the codes we need to use? Super thanks!
Reply: Have you looked on the desk? There's only one binder on the desk. That should be it. We really have to go. Best of luck sorting it out. PS: did you read the note we left? It should explain where everything is.

(email sample #3)
Hi Paige! Hope your training is going well. Yeah, I got the binder - I didn't think it was the right one because it had alphabetical tabs in it. But now that I think about it, that makes sense - way easier to find stuff. Thanks! Oh, by the way, that guy called back and wanted to know what to do about the burnt out light in the hallway. Super thanks!
Reply: Seriously? Change the fucking bulb.

(email sample #4)
Hey, Paige...that was kinda harsh. Is everything alright? I know it must be tough to have to learn all that new stuff and everything. If you need to talk to someone, let me know.
Reply: We're currently out of the office, return date as yet unknown. Our email is not being forwarded in our absence.


~ Paige